It’s hard to think about continuing to show love for your child(ren) when they are continually rejecting, lashing out, and showing noting but hate toward you. You may want to argue with them, explain how the other parent is alienating them from you, and chastise them for behaving badly. I did all of this-it did not work, and in fact it made the situation WORSE.
The reason arguing and engaging with your alienated child will not work, is they are not able to do anything but be aligned with the alienator. It doesn’t mean they don’t love your…they are not able to show it; they are not able to stand up to the alienator.
How do you get past this, and love them? With understanding the family dynamic.
- Remember they are children. They need both parents. Since you are the CHOSEN parent, they understand in their hearts that will always be there for them since your love is unconditional.
- If you follow Dr. Craig Childress, and study AB-PA (Attachment Based Parental Alienation), or Attachment Based Theory, you know that as a parent who has raised their children in the first 5 years of life is inextricably attached to them. The bond of the parent child relationship can never be broken.
So, what is an Alienated Parent to do? Show your children who you really are. Show them how much you love and care for them. “Hold the container” for them when they engage with anger. When you show them the loving, kind and caring side of yourself, it is in direct contrast to what the Alienating Parent has been telling them about you. Love Wins. Always.